Can someone explain to me why the District feels it necessary to place groups of traffic guards at intersections up and down K Street every day of the week when the traffic lights work perfectly well?
It started out with just three guards at the intersection of 14th and K. Then a couple more on Connecticut Avenue. Now they have groups of three stationed at intersections for eight straight blocks.
I wouldn't be so upset if it weren't for the fact that they don't know what they're doing. I've actually been yelled at by a traffic guard because I didn't turn right into a group of pedestrians crossing the crosswalk. Getting to work early isn't worth commiting vehicular manslaughter.
To top it off, they use whistles. Constantly.
Whistles only work when used in short bursts. Constantly blowing into your whistle won't make anyone walk faster. It just makes you look stupid. And it annoys everyone around you.
Does the city just have money to burn? Or is this part of a new anti-crime master strategy?
I think it's just an unpleasant trick intended to make us hate this city even more.
There's something you should know before we go any further.
I'm really into Dune.
Really into it.
I watch it at least once a month. Sometimes twice.
There's just something about it. Did you know the sleeper must awaken? No? Maybe you should watch Dune.
Would you like to watch Dune with me some time? No?
That's ok.
I don't really understand why everyone hates it. The movie, I mean. I think it's great. It teaches you all kinds of things, like how fear is the mind killer. Did you know fear is the mind killer?
Sometimes when I can't fall asleep at night, I'll repeat that phrase outloud a few dozen times. It sure does work! Sometimes I say it during job interviews.
I go on a lot of job interviews. I'm not sure what the problem is. (maybe it's my breath!)
Anyway, I'll understand if you're turned off by this. I just thought you should know. It's not like I publish the love letters to Sting I write while sitting alone in bed at night thinking about how awesome Dune is. That would be weird. Did you know in the scene where Sting walks out of the "shower" he's got a total body tan, but if you look closely you can see where his wrist watch has been?
I've looked closely. Lots of times. Maybe David Lynch should reshoot that. I'll write another letter. Do you want to go out again? Next time to a movie or something? No?
Dog trainer and mason William Gori proves you don't need a "degree" or even a "passing familiarity with the law and Constitution" to be a judge. Use the wrong bait at the fishing hole?! You're goin to jail, mister! Loiter while dark-skinned? You're goin to jail, mister! Towns across upstate New York have taken these lessons to heart. Word to the wise, DON'T EVER DRIVE NORTH OF WESTCHESTER COUNTY.
The European Space Agency has taken all the fun out of space. That's not Elvis' head on Mars, it's just a big hill. Don't they understand that each time they debunk some crazy space alien conspiracy, it's another nail in their rapidly depleting budgetary coffin? Crazy sells. Take it to heart, European Space Agency, take it to heart.
Looking for a quiet place to retire? Try Toronto. Dozens of Canadian mobsters have.
You know it's bad when you're pushing for minimum wage. 20-year-old Domino's Pizza delivery driver Jim Pohle has started a union. He's even received 300 emails of interest from supportive pizza drivers. The real question is, will he affiliate with Change to Win or the AFL-CIO?
The Superdome is set to reopen tonight after nearly $185 million in renovations. Could there be a better time to lay down some completely inappropriate similies?
Because you know, having football games in the Superdome is like:
Having a picnic on Anne Frank's grave while reading Mein Kampf.
Calling your football team The Redskins. Then urinating on Crazy Horse's grave.
Moving Giants Stadium to Ground Zero. And renaming the Giants, "The Jets".
Can someone explain to me why the District feels it necessary to place groups of traffic guards at intersections up and down K Street every day of the week when the traffic lights work perfectly well?
