We're going to the Moon (in 2020)!

Lockeed Martin won a multi-billion dollar contract from NASA to build the next space shuttle. It's actually less of a shuttle and more of AN EXACT CLONE OF THE APPOLLO SHIP. Except instead of carrying THREE people, Orion will carry SIX. That's right, forty years and billions of dollars later, NASA has doubled it's carrying capacity.

But this is the greatest news of all:

"Orion is expected to make its first manned flight by 2014, four years after NASA's three operating shuttles are retired. NASA said it hopes for a moon landing by 2020."

Read that over carefully and think about it. Astronauts first landed on the moon in 1969. It's now 2006 and our big goal is to replicate what folks did back when computers consisted of levers and pulleys.

What are they going to do up there, anyway?

Unless they're preparing for a space invasion that I don't know about (maybe Battlestar Gallactica is on it's way?) I don't see the need to hang out on that lifeless rock.

This is all happening at the same time that Republicans are defunding programs that actually help people. Also, they steal food from children.

Seriously. I just saw Conrad Burns steal a juicebox from a small African-American child. He picked the kid up, threw him on the ground, grabbed the Capri Sun and yelled "Get a job!" Then he hopped into a limo and drove away...but only after throwing a pipebomb at a group of firefighters.

Man, that guy's a menace.

Helicopter Pilot Update

Last week, I wrote about an ongoing contract dispute between a union of helicopter pilots and their employer, PHI. The two parties have been negotiating for more than 2 years.

A federally-imposed "cooling off" period expired on Monday, freeing up the union to go on strike. After negotiations failed last week, it looked like a strike was inevitable. A helicopter strike could have serious effects on the oil industry, as these pilots help keep off-shore oil rigs in operation.

PHI filed an injunction on Monday that would halt a possible strike. This could serve as a delay, but at best it's a short-term solution for PHI. Union President Steve Ragin made an excellent point:

"I can tell you that PHI is going to be spending well over that in legal fees trying to fight the union"

It's often the case that a company would rather fight it's employees than bargain in good faith. After two years of negotiations, that seems to be what's going on.

Net Neutrality Explained

If you're like me, you've watched a lot of confusing commercials paid for by AT&T, Verizon and Comcast that talk about keeping the internet cheap. And if you're at all like me, you like the idea of "keeping the internet cheap" but are immediately suspicious of strange Orwellian commercials paid for by big corporations like AT&T, Verizon and Comcast.

Luckily, Save the Internet has as an excellent site that explains Net neutrality in simple terms:

What is this about?

This is about Internet freedom. "Network Neutrality" -- the First Amendment of the Internet -- ensures that the public can view the smallest blog just as easily as the largest corporate Web site by preventing Internet companies like AT&T from rigging the playing field for only the highest-paying sites.

But Internet providers like AT&T, Verizon and Comcast are spending millions of dollars lobbying Congress to gut Net Neutrality. If Congress doesn't take action now to implement meaningful Net Neutrality provisions, the future of the Internet is at risk.

Sounds reasonable to me. Check out their FAQ for more.

All Lincoln, All the Time

Do you often find yourself in desperate need of a Lincoln Presenter and think, "If only there were an Association of Lincoln Presenters!" Apparently, there is!


That's right, there's an entire organization of people (293 at last count) who dress up like Abraham Lincoln and PRESENT. What they present, I'm not sure. But one thing's for certain--they're not joking around. They take impersonating Abraham Lincoln very seriously. Behold:

"The Association of Lincoln Presenters (ALP) is a union of men and women ( numbering 293 in April, 2005) dedicated to bringing Abraham and Mary Lincoln to life. Through presentations that educate, entertain, and inspire, members honor the words and works of the Lincolns. The ALP mission is to preserve the legacy of Abraham and Mary Lincoln, to honor their words and works, and walk in their footsteps."

A union of men and women. Those wags. Do you get it? Because Lincoln helped preserve the union. That's why they're a union.

I'd like to hire five identical Lincolns to give a presentation to middle school students that consists of them telling the Gettysburg address in a round while stripping naked. Then they'll have to explain, in front of the class, the erotic truth about Joshua Speed and David Derickson.

So you were intimate companions, is that right, naked Lincolns? Tell me mooooore.