Elliot Spitzer: Governor with a Lamp

I'll be honest. I was shocked to learn about Elliot Spitzer's fondness for super-expensive hookers. My world has been turned upside down by this seamy development!

It just doesn't add up. That's why I like to imagine that Elliot wasn't hiring women for illicit sexual favors, but to lecture them about their poor lifestyle choices. Like so many coming of age films about pimply protagonists that hire hookers only to find themselves unable to insert penis into vagina but still opt to "get their money's worth", I think Spitzer just wanted to reform these poor women by paying cash to have long-winded heart-to-hearts. He's been traveling the Mid-Atlantic seaboard converting ladies of the night with legal advice and self-righteous indignation. I swear, he's like a modern day Florence Nightingale but instead of being an Italian nurse, he's a Governor of the third most populous state in the nation.