All Lincoln, All the Time

Do you often find yourself in desperate need of a Lincoln Presenter and think, "If only there were an Association of Lincoln Presenters!" Apparently, there is!


That's right, there's an entire organization of people (293 at last count) who dress up like Abraham Lincoln and PRESENT. What they present, I'm not sure. But one thing's for certain--they're not joking around. They take impersonating Abraham Lincoln very seriously. Behold:

"The Association of Lincoln Presenters (ALP) is a union of men and women ( numbering 293 in April, 2005) dedicated to bringing Abraham and Mary Lincoln to life. Through presentations that educate, entertain, and inspire, members honor the words and works of the Lincolns. The ALP mission is to preserve the legacy of Abraham and Mary Lincoln, to honor their words and works, and walk in their footsteps."

A union of men and women. Those wags. Do you get it? Because Lincoln helped preserve the union. That's why they're a union.

I'd like to hire five identical Lincolns to give a presentation to middle school students that consists of them telling the Gettysburg address in a round while stripping naked. Then they'll have to explain, in front of the class, the erotic truth about Joshua Speed and David Derickson.

So you were intimate companions, is that right, naked Lincolns? Tell me mooooore.