Revenge of the Democrats
Things look bleak for the Republican Party.Barring some Pelosi-Reid murder suicide pact that involves grenades and uzi's on the Capitol grounds, the Democrats should take back control of Congress.
But will the Democrats rob the Republicans of all their power, dignity and respect, just as the Republicans did to the Democrats over the past twelve years?
Probably not. But here are a few suggestions for the Democrats, just in case:
- Take away every committee leadership position from the Republicans except Chair of the House Committee on Science. Instruct the Republicans to A) appreciate the irony and B) use this time to study! The Blue Section of Lessons in Science covers important topics like "You Can't Get AIDS from Tears" and "Dinosaurs Did Exist, Stoopid!"
- Get rid of filibusters once and for all. See how many Republicans object. Call them flip-floppers, then instruct them to appreciate the irony.
- Move all Republican Congressional offices across the Anacostia River. See if they still want to get rid of that handgun ban.
- Impeach President Bush.
- Officially rename all minority leadership positions. "House Minority Leader" should be changed to "Director of Impotence and Failure". "Senate Minority Leader" should become "Captain Sunshine Happy Parade". Instruct Captain Sunshine Happy Parade to wear a clown suit at all times. "Minority Whip" should be renamed "Republicans Molest Teens, Esq". If the Republicans object, pass a law banning Republicans from Congress.
- Ban lobbyists from hiring Republicans. Then ban lobbyists.
- Force Republicans to rename every Orwellian-named bill passed in the past twelve years. For example, the "Clean Skies Act" will have to be renamed the "The Act to Repeal Air Pollution Controls and Introduce Even More Toxins Into the Environment Act". The "No Child Left Behind Act" will have to be renamed "Please, Leave Children Behind! Act".
- Rename Ronald Reagan National Airport. I don't care what you call it, just fucking rename it. Make it illegal to say the name "Ronald Reagan" in public. Allow it to be used only as an offensive verb, something like, "Man those Republicans sure do like to Reagan teenage boys."
- Impeach President Bush.
posted by Mr. Bottled at Wednesday, October 04, 2006
7 Comments:
Hahahahahahahahhaha. Awesome. See, there are all of those stupid pundits complaining progressives are unable to come up with innovative ideas or programs. In one fell blog posting, you've dispatched that notion! Thanks for bringing strategery back to the Democratic Party!
Love it! LOVE it.
if they JUST rename national airport, that will make me happy as a dog with two peckers.
Good ones! I have 2 comments. First, I'm not counting any Democratic takeovers before they hatch. Don't put it past George Bush and Karl Rove to cook up the mother of all October Surprises, which may include Iran, Osama Bin Laden or otherwise. Second, I never, ever refer to that airport as anything other than its former name, National Airport. Sometimes that confuses airline ticket agents. I don't care. It makes me feel good.
I don't refer to it as Reagan either, but other people do. That bugs me.
Excellent post! I would add to the name change for DCA that once the name is officially changed, anyone who refers to the airport as "R****n" is sent to spend time with Mark Foley in his cell or wherever the RNC has shipped him off to.
well said! keep posting... i'll keep reading.
:)
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