Breakfast with a Friend

On Sunday, I took two friends to Heller's Bakery for breakfast. Hellers is a nice place. You can buy a nice plate of eggs, hashbrowns & toast for $3.50. They make fresh bread.

I ordered first--egg & cheese bagel with an iced coffee. They gave me a receipt with a number.

I went to find a table since seating is usually limited. I found one right up front. Just as I got there, a woman at an adjacent table stood up and took one of the three chairs at my new table. She looked up and said, "You're not using all three chairs are you?"

"Well, yes," I replied.

Just then her friend with a baby carriage came over. She looked at the baby carriage, smiled at me and took the chair anyway. Can't let the baby and her mommy stand, can we? It's not like she could have taken a chair from one of the EMPTY tables. I'm sick of parents. They think they're all SOOO special.

Anyway, I moved to another table right up front. It was a perfect spot. It wasn't crunched in next to other tables like the rest. I sat down and waited for my coffee & bagel. My friends, Ken and (his girlfriend) Lindsey, were waiting up front for their orders. They picked up their meals and started walking back towards me. I saw my coffee up front so I ran to get it. Literally, I ran. Just as I got there, and before Ken and Lindsey got to my table, this attractive twenty-something woman sat down in my chair. She put down her plate of food, immediately unfolded her newspaper, set up her laptop, carved her initials in the chair, and urinated on the tabletop.

We got stuck in a tiny table in a far corner. I sat with Lindsey on my left and Ken on my right. It was a nice meal. The bagel tasted great, they liked their eggs & hashbrowns. Midway through the meal I noticed something in the corner of my eye. I looked down and saw a rather large roach just to the left of Lindsey's chair.

I didn't say a thing about it. They were visiting from out of town and I didn't want them to leave with a bad impression. But this roach was huge. It looked dead, all sprawled out on it's back, but how could I be sure? I continued to eat, partaking in friendly banter. We talked about Lieberman losing and how great that would be. We discussed our jobs. But I kept looking back down. I couldn't stop. After the fifth or sixth glance, I noticed the roach moving. It began to wiggle its legs.

Thoughts began to enter my mind. If there was a dead roach out in the dining area, what about in the back kitchen? I envisioned an enormous room with a gigantic pile of flour with roaches scurrying back and forth, cleaning themselves in the flour, sliding up and down it like a Slip & Slide. The bakers laughed hysterically at the playful vermin while baking fresh insect-infested bread.

In spite of these visions, I really enjoyed my bagel. It tasted great. But I'm pretty sure Ken thought I was checking Lindsey out. I kept looking down in her direction. I wasn't being non-chalant about it either.

Maybe Lindsey thought I was checking her out too. Maybe they fought the whole way back to New York because Ken thought she was interested even though she adamantly denied it. Maybe they're no longer talking to one another. That breakfast could have been the end of their relationship. Maybe Lindsey is Friendstering her ex-boyfriend just as we speak because that Ken guy is such a jerk.

I hope that's not the case, but I try not to think about it. I'll probably go back to Heller's sometime soon to see if that roach is still there. He seemed quite resilient.