GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY CAN GO TO HELL!!!

George Washington University made history this week by becoming the first university in the country to raise mandatory tuition costs above $50,000. That's really quite amazing. Do you know why?

BECAUSE GWU IS A TERRIBLE UNIVESITY!

Do you know how I know? Because I went there, and I just misspelled UNIVERSITY. Also, it has mediocre academics. But let me break it down for you. For all you potential G-Dubbers out there in Philadelphia, New Jersey and Long Island, this is what your 50 grand a year will get you:

• Overcrowded Classrooms! Although some argue it's perfectly effective to teach International Affairs 50 to 100 obnoxious, copper-tanned New Jersey girls at a time, it's not for everyone.
• Fast Food! Do you like Burger King? Trans Fat? Want to eat it every day at above market prices? Do you like obesity? GW may be for you!
  
• Terrible Professors! They may have professors who are experts in their fields but working for the IMF for 20 years doesn't automatically make you a good teacher. It just makes you an asshole.
  
• A Cold, Uncaring, Corporate Administration! When it comes to academia, the main concern should be profit, right? That's what they say at GW. Why hire more permanent faculty when you just buy another hotel? Why pay living salaries to adjuncts when you can just bust their union? Why have an actual Student Union when you can just turn into a money-making conference center?

and best of all...

• More Student-Loan Debt than You'll Ever Be Able To Pay Off! I graduated from GW with a useless bachelors degree in International Affairs and $120,000 in student debt. That's with 10 grand a year in academic scholarships! My monthly loan payments are almost a thousand dollars a month and I'm barely paying off any principal. It wouldn't matter if I felt it was a good investment, but GW was a terrible school. I did find a job and can make those loan payments, but that was only because I was an activist while in college and made contacts that eventually paid off. But I was seriously a hare's breath away from working at Starbuck's like so many other people of my generation who graduated from a 4-year school with insurmountable debt and an utterly useless degree.

So in summation, the very idea that GW is the most expensive university in the country makes me sick, and the very idea that this might become common-place at universities makes me even sicker. If I ever have a child, and that's becoming increasingly less likely because I'll be paying off GW through 2049, they're getting home schooled. Until they're 24. By someone else. For free.