Why The Green Party Will NEVER Win

I just picked up this awesome informational pamphlet from the DC Statehood Green Party. Someone named Otten is running for mayor. It starts off great.

They want to rebuild DC schools.

They want to reopen DC General.

They want to eliminate DC's regressive tax system.

Sounds awesome. Then you get to the fine print:


Can you find Waldo? No? Here, I'll show you:


Nothing speaks to the people of DC better than that! Seriously, walk up to the average guy hanging out on Georgia Ave and say, "Hey man, wanna expand political discourse to more voices from the PLEBISCITE!" He be all like, "Yeah man! Who you wit? State Hood Green?" It's all about the street cred. This election is YOURS, Statehood Greens.

Fire your communications staff Mr. Otten. Do it quickly, while there's still time. I seriously wish you the best, but get rid of the burned out hippy who likes to quote Foucault and hasn't left his tiny corner of Northwest in 35 years and get yourself someone who's in touch with reality.

Unless you wrote that pamphlet yourself, in which case, you've got bigger problems to worry about.