Mafia Bible Uncovered, Secrets of Good Marinara Sauce Revealed

Italian officials have recovered a Bible from the home of Sicilian mafia boss Bernardo Provenzano that contains secret codes and ciphers. Officials believe it could reveal new Mafia secrets.

Provenzano had been on the run for 43 years. Italian officials captured him in his birthplace of Corleone.

Yes, you heard right. Corleone.

The Bible was later discovered in Provenzano's ramshackle "hideout" described by the press as a "hut".

While this so-called Mafia Bible may reveal earth-shattering news, I'm a little suspect. If Donnie Brasco and the Sorpranos have taught me anything, it's that these people aren't that bright. They spend most of their time thinking up new ways to beat up hookers and snort blow (like with rubber mallets and through the ears, respectively).

What possible secrets could still have? Who killed JFK? Factual proof of J Edgar Hoover's cross-dressing? How to make really good bruschetta?

Actually, that all sounds great. Let's hope they can make some sense out of those dots & squiggles. I want to get me some good bruschetta.