Sarah Vowell Pickup Lines

I admit it. I have a deep and passionate crush on Gen-x history buff Sarah Vowell. This hasn't gone over well with my tall, willowy, exotic beauty of a fiancee. She doesn't understand my strange attraction to depressed, short and dykie women. Don't worry though, we've already sunk thousands into our catering security deposit, so the wedding will still go forward. But for the thousands of you out there who dream of stealing Sarah Vowell's heart, I've come up with a few sure-fire pickup lines.

First and foremost, find some kind of plaque or monument pertaining to some historical person or event that can be easily compared to a modern-day Republican. Stand there and wait, Sarah is bound to show up. When she does, say things like this:

• You know, DC wasn't ever actually a swamp. The original city sat on what was farmer fields, forests, springs, two creeks and two rivers. DC got a bad rap back in the 1800s because they essentially threw down an insta-city in the midst of rivers that still flooded. If anything, New York City sits on more of a swamp than DC. Seriously. (If you don't have the patience to spell out the source link, hand her a piece of paper with the link written on it)
• Don't you love radio?
• If their idea was to kill Lincoln and then the next two top officials in the presidential line of succession, how come the Lincoln Assassination conspirators targeted Secretary of State Seward? At the time, the second in line was the Senate pro tempore. From what I can tell the Secretary of State wasn't even added to the line up till 1886. What's up with that? Why did Powell have to go and cut up Billy Seward with a bowie knife like that?
• Just 10 months, 17 days left of the Bush administration...
  
• You know I walk by David Herold's grave almost every day when I walk my dog at Congressional Cemetary. Want to come with me sometime?